oh hey, guess what today is!

one human life! (a baby), originally uploaded by ayahthetiger.

yet another anniversary of the roe v. wade decision. the 35th, in fact! and yeah, there's the usual glut of news articles, with quotes from doctors who are only speaking under the condition of anonymity, and teenage girls claiming they're going to "spirit adopt" fetuses (which is like some next level twilight zone shit; i mean, what if you spirit adopt a mean fetus? a vengeful fetus?) and blah blah blah. great, well done america! i love the protest signs in this photo above, basically. i mean, they're right. abortions do hurt. i imagine far less than childbirth does, but damn if having your cervix opened and a tiny vacuum stuck inside doesn't feel like what i imagine the victims in alien felt like seconds prior to the chest/gut explosion (though i imagine the modern way is far, far less painful than the tales of my great-grandmother doing this herself, good ol' coat-hanger style).

i didn't actually want to get an abortion! i was pressured into doing so by several sources. the person i was with at the time immediately just announced it on the phone when i told him--"you will get an abortion." the couple friends i told basically thought i was joking when i said i didn't want one and openly called me an irresponsible idiot who probably couldn't even handle having a pet hamster, much less a baby. so, i went back into the clinic at columbia (the same place that handed me the very expired birth control pills that caused this situation to begin with, so go home tonight and check your packets) to get some info. the doctor--a female, working at an ivy league institution in new york city--was almost openly condemning the concept of abortion, and gave me significant literature (and pressure) about adoption options and keeping the child.

it was basically the most awful experience, those couple weeks.

everyone at pp was really nice and supportive though. i don't think a single worker there even mentioned adoption or counseling, even though the bitch at columbia said that it was "required" by nys. they did force us to watch the tony danza show while recuperating though which just made me get up far sooner than i should've to get the fuck out of there.

and...i regretted it! a lot! months of severe depression (though this did occur a few weeks before thanksgiving, and i've noted my problems with seasonal depression before), nightmares, so on and so forth.

it's about three years later now, and i realize now had i not gone through with it, i'd still be stuck in a really awful relationship and probably still trapped in washington dc and i probably also wouldn't know almost any of my current friends because i'd be at home, with a kid i'd have come to resent, and i wouldn't be in my current relationship, and i wouldn't have a decent job (or any job).

so, even though the choice was kind of forced upon me, i'm ultimately glad i sided with everyone else. they were right--there's no way i wouldn't kill off a hamster accidentally, much less a kid.


next on this blog: a crazy picture of tom brady!