facebook is compassionate

maybe i took it too far by becoming a fan of the swine flu myself, but at least i'm not clicking "like" next to its updates, you know what i mean?

yo dudes help us make a book

because books are where shit is at.

also: if we get all this shit together, which photo should i submit? pick one and leave a link in the comments.

one of you knows what happened, and one of you needs to own up

who is the mystery person who got screamed at during karaoke? this is now the second reference to someone doing this to me and it's not true and i am now on a crusade to find the doppleganger. i'm starting to consider the possibility that the person who was yelled at was my sister.

i wonder what the minnesota spokesman-recorder's take on this is?

pretty sure polamalu has already been fined for this blatant helmet-to-helmet btw.

need to get this, once the recession ends and we all have money again

can you imagine, alex coming home from the bodega or something and i've stuck this on my face? oh. my. god! such a good prank!

the final scene from blue velvet

the final scene from blue velvet, originally uploaded by allyzay.

why do all bird exhibits at zoos result in positively lynchian photographs? is it the uncanny valley backgrounds? the not-quite-real lighting? i can't quite put my finger on why, but it's a total fact.

yesssssssssssssss

the holy grail! look at these tiny, tiny people and their giant foodstuffs! they will bring it to you!

my favorite thing about the super bowl

i am greatly amused reading recaps of the super bowl by dad sportswriters that say, "the halftime show sucked and you're kidding yourself if you think otherwise. that playlist was terrible. in a perfect world, he would've sang 'tougher than the rest', '57 channels', 'mary queen of arkansas', and 'the river'." in the interest of being helpful, as helpful as these ancient bitter gentlemen, here are things that i think could've vastly improved the halftime show.

1. sea otters.
2. play "dancing in the dark". at key "hey baby!" moment, pull PRESIDENT OBAMA onto the stage, do the courteney cox with him.
3. no actual performance, the boss just gets on stage and reads poetry at everyone for 15 minutes.
4. during halftime, the e street band has replaced the viewers' regular arizona football cardinals with the new york football giants. let's see if anyone notices.
5. more of this:

frustration at work turns one's mind to the topic of adult beverages

when i lived in dc, i couldn't find xtabentun anywhere. i also couldn't use the internet to import it, to myself, because dc has rather pathetic liquor laws. it took me quite a long time upon moving back to new york to even think about this and look into whether i could get this sent to me here. sure enough...hooray! i knew there was one million and one reasons i came back. anyway, i would like you all to get some xtabentun and try either of my two simple drink recipes.

mayan margarita
ingredients:
1 1/2 oz tequila
1 oz xtabentun
splash triple sec
3-4oz lime juice (adjust to taste/how strong you want it)
dash orange bitters

combine ingredients in shaker, shake, serve over ice. profit! (salt-rim glass okay to use, by the way)

mayahuel
ingredients:
1 1/2 oz tequila
1 oz xtabentun
1/2 oz butterscotch liqueur
3-4 oz hot apple cider (adjust to taste/how strong you want it)
cinnamon stick and/or star anise for garnish

combine tequila, liqeuers, and cider into an irish coffee mug (or a regular mug, i mean no need to go to the target or anything), stir, add garnish. profit!

you can also just add xtabentun to coffee with some milk for mayan coffee.

sophisticated super bowl food for a more grown-up clientele: aka wing shortage subsistence recipe

meowrson welles says: knowing our readership as well as i have come to do over this year, i am certain that my dear friends have heard about the impending wing shortage threatening to ruin our super bowl sundays. i am of the opinion that the arizona cardinals have already threatened to ruin our super bowl sundays, but i digress. there are other options for manly meaty foods that are delicious to eat while watching any manner of sporting event. you can save your super bowl party by serving a different option, one so delicious that no-one will notice the lack of crispy, spicy, buttery, flightless bird wings. one i'd like to mention is a delicious short ribs recipe that would be perfect for the more discerning palates amongst your friends. it takes more time than chicken wings would -- but it is not very labor-intensive and short ribs are inexpensive so it is even wallet-friendly!

braised short-ribs
ingredients:
1/2 cup olive oil (contrary to popular belief, you don't have to worry about it being "extra-virgin" if you're cooking with it)
8 lbs bone-in short-ribs
kosher salt and black pepper
4 carrots, peeled and roughly chopped
2 yellow onions, roughly chopped
4 celery stalks, roughly chopped
10 minced garlic cloves (more or less according to taste but don't go over 12 and don't go under 5)
4 cups medium- to full-bodied red wine (for example a merlot or cabernet is fine)
1 28-oz can of peeled tomatoes, crushed by hand and with their juices (muir glen is a good, reasonably-priced domestic choice)
2 cups chicken or vegetable stock (if you don't want to make this yourself, get a low sodium version from a reputable brand. i've had luck with imagine organics vegetable broth)
4 tbsp herbes de provence
2 tbsp oregano (if you prefer or have access to fresh herbs, please feel free to substitute 1 bunch oregano, 1 bunch thyme, and 1 bunch rosemary instead of dried oregano and herbes de provence)

instructions:
preheat the oven to 375 degrees farenheit. prep the meat by seasoning well with salt and pepper. in a large (5 qt. or larger) dutch oven, heat olive oil on high until smoking and cook seasoned short ribs over high heat until there's a lovely deep brown crust on all sides, about 15 minutes. do your ribs in batches so as to not overcrowd the pan; the meat releases steam as it sears and a build up of steam can interfere with the creation of the flavorful outside crust. 2 lbs will likely be 3-4 batches. remove ribs to a plate and set aside.

add the carrots, onion, celery, and garlic to the dutch oven and cook over high heat until browned (4-5 minutes). season with a little salt and pepper, turn to heat to medium-high, and and stir in the red wine, tomatoes with juices, chicken stock, and herbs, scraping the bottom of the dutch oven with a spoon to loosen any browned bits of meat or vegetable. bring mixture to a boil then turn off heat entirely, and add the short-ribs back to the dutch oven.

take some aluminum foil and create a concave lid -- the foil should dip down over the pot to come close to the meat. place the normal lid on top of this to keep the foil perfectly in place and stick in the oven. cook for at least 2 and a half hours, without opening the oven or peeking even one time. after the time is up, remove from oven and peek inside. the ribs will absorb at least half of the liquid that was originally in the pot, and will be very tender and sliding off the bones when finished. it's very hard to ruin meat slow-cooking it like this, so if it still looks too watery inside the pot, shove it back in the oven for another half hour to an hour.

while this is in the oven, you can go for a jog, go to the zoo, shoot some pidgeons to make "pidgeon wings," listen to steely dan...whatever it is that you would normally do. or you could make this gremolata topping for your meat, which adds a little zest to the very bold and rich flavors of this dish.

gremolata topping
ingredients:
1 tbsp parsley (or 1/2 bunch-ish of fresh flat-leaf parsley)
1-2 tbsp lemon juice (to taste, basically)
3 tbsp prepared horseradish

instructions:
just mix it all together. it's pretty easy. put into the refrigerator until time to eat.

enjoy this with a dark ale, or the same type of wine that you used in the recipe. it'll serve at least 8 people, depending on how hungry they are and how much huge beef flavor they can handle in their face. feel free to cut this recipe in half or 1/4 to make a more regular sized meal -- with slow cooking you can really basically wing things a bit more.

KURT WARNER DOES NOT OWN GOD, AND THAT IS WHY THE CARDINALS WILL NOT WIN: A POINT

IT IS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR THIS SITE BECAUSE I HVE BEEN DEDICZATING MYSELF A LITTLE MORE TO MY FAITH AND TO POLITICAL EFFORTS TO ELECT BARACK OBAMA THE 44TH PRESIDENT OF OUR UNISTED STATES OF AMERICA. BUT TODAY WE ARE ON THE EVE OF OUR SUPER BOWL, WHICH IS A MOMENTOUS OCCASION AND I CANNOT LET IT PASS UNTOUCHED.

I WAS SURPRISED TO SEE THAT THIS GAME WAS BETWEEN THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS AND THE ARIZONA CARDINALS. TO BE HONEST I WASN'T AWARE THE CARDINALS WERE STILL IN THE LEAGUE SO GOD BLESS EM THAT THEY ACCOMNPLISHED THIS. THEN SOMEONE TELLS ME, YOU KNOW WHO QBS THAT TEAM: KURT WARNER. I THOUGHT HE BECAME A FARMER OR SOMETHING AFTER HE LEFT THE GIANTS TO BE FAIR SO AGAIN GOD BLESS HIM. HOWEVER I HVE TO RETRACT THAT BLESSING BECAUSE HE IS ALWAYS TALKIN ABOUT HOW MUCH GOD BLESSES HIM AND HOW HE LIKES TO DRAW GOD (ALSO GOD DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT, PROBABLY, AT ANY RATE: DON'T IDOLATOR). I FEEL HE HAS A BIG HEAD, METAPHORICAL. GOD IS FOR ALL OF US NOT JUST THOSE OF US WHO ARE BAPTIZED IN SOME CERTAIN CHURCH. FOR EXAMPLE HE THINKS THAT HIS MOM BRENDA'S PARENTS WERE KILLED IN A TORNADO BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT BAPTIZED IN CHURCH THAT DAY. TORNADOS WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS BUT I FEEL THAT IF TORNADOS WERE TARGETING NONBELIEVERS OF THE WARNERS' SECT OF CHRISTIANITY, TORNADOS WOULD ATTACK FOR EXAMPLE AMSTERDAM. PETRHAPS GOD SENT THAT TORNADO--TO MAKE YOU MARRY YOUR MOM ONCE AND FOR ALL?-- BUT THE OTHER OPTIONS PUT FORTH ARE NOT LOGISTICAL. THINK ABOUT THIS: SCIENCE AND GOD ARE PART OF ONE UNIVERSE BUT ARE SEPARATE BEINGS.

THE OTEHR THING IS THAT THERE IS A LOT OF GOD TO GO ABOUT AND THAT IS WHY I THINK GOD WILL FROWN UPON MR. WARNER'S IDOLATORY AND HIS LACK OF INTELLIGENCE ABOUT TORNADOS AND GOD WILL BESTOW THIS SUPER BOWL RING UPON BEN ROETHLISBERGER IN SUPPORT OF HIS CONTINUED LITERAL HEAD GROWTH.

I WOULD LIKE TO ALSO GIVE A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO OUR NEW PRESIDENT WHOM I AM VERY PROUD OF. HE IS A REAL MAN OF ACTION AND HE CARES A LOT ABOUT THE BAD SITUATION MANY ARE IN. I AM GLAD THAT WE HAVE A LEADER WHO WILL BRING OUR TROOPS HOME AND TREAT THEM WITH THE RESPECT THEY DESERVE. TO OUR OVERSEAS READERS: PEACE AND GOD BLESS YOU -- ALL OF YOU!!