hi! i'm back from martha's vineyard! did you miss me? were you unable to live without me? did you cry? haha you're a pussy!
j/k! it's ok to be sensitive and cry in the club and everything, it's the '00s. i have never been to martha's vineyard before, so this was, officially, an adventure. it was a pretty fun adventure! except for the part where i had to get on an amtrak. that always sucks, and i always prefer to bus going to boston, but never argue the point because every self-professed northeast corridor expert argues with me, because living in new york virtually my entire life and seemingly exclusively dating boys who live outside of new york city is probably not enough experience with the transits to be a judge of these things, that the bus is "always" late and "always" takes 800 hours neither of which thing is remotely true and then i just get angry when the amtrak is inevitably a half-hour or more late and then everyone i'm with hates me for at least a couple hours and then i get all cry-face or stab-face or sometimes bang-bus and then i forget about it and get on the amtrak again a couple days later, after vowing to never give them another dime.
after the above-referenced, never-to-be-spoken-of-again five hours of start, the vacation was totally fun! it was chilly. and very quiet and dead. apparently the season begins next weekend! whoops. as will, possibly, the end of the alcohol prohibition in the town we stayed in. whoops! (yes, that is a subscriber-only link. why the hell this newspaper expects you to pay $30 to read the letters to the editor is beyond me. you get the idea.) thankfully, wet towns, honky tonk towns, dirty filth havens of booze...they were only 10 minutes away by bus.
these supposedly honky tonk dens of depravity were pretty much like what i imagine a 4 year old thinks a crazy bar is like. maybe they are more like tijuana when the season begins. our first stop on the island, because nothing was open at all after 9:30 besides like three places, was sharky's cantina, a quaint shark-themed mexican joint. they sold t-shirts that said "lime disease" on them! i had a ginger margarita, and it was delicious. then i had some kind of lobster taco. you read that right. i said lobster taco. WHY HAS NO ONE ELSE THOUGHT TO PUT LOBSTERS IN MEXICAN FOOD? combining all the deliciousness of the world into one thing! perhaps we've all just assumed it was reaching too high, too soon? alex had a lobster burrito. lobster burrito! i decided that i liked massachusetts during this excursion.
the next day, we walked something like 73 miles. stores were not really open owing to it being sunday in puritainville, so it seemed a good idea. it was! except for the fact that i made us keep running down to the beach in what seemed to be 5 degree weather. but that was totally fun, even though alex now seems to be ill. anyway, we ended up at a place called newes from america which was like quainty mcquaintville. i don't remember what i ate, actually, but they had beers in huge ass glasses and gave you wooden nickels for drinking them. if you collect something like 8 trillion wooden nickels, they would put a sign on a bar stool that denotes the bar stool is named after you, drunky mcdrunkerton of the chappaquiddick mcdrunkertons. i also had a coffee with frangelico in it, but apparently that got me no closer to my goal of owning a bar stool, since you won zero nickels for drinking gay lady drinks. i have three nickels, so if anyone has nickels they'd like to donate to my cause, please let me know.
we wandered around a bunch more looking at really random things and running around and basically looking like idiots, jumping off of buses in the middle of nowhere and running towards beaches, but whatever. then it was time for dinner, which we decided would be back in dry vineyard haven, at le grenier. it makes absolutely no sense to go to a french restaurant without drinking wine, so of course we went to the "package store" (ha ha! what does it mean!?) and got a bottle of chinon. this was delicious! i was even allowed to eat dessert (i would be denied this the next night, when i drunkenly tried to get an almond joy out of the mini-bar in our room), which was bananas flambe, which everyone knows means ON FIRE BANANAS COVERED IN RUM.
the next day we ended up back at sharky's because LOBSTER QUESADILLAS. after going shopping and playing with dogs and stuff like that, we went to offshore ale for drinks. this is a great place. the floor is covered in peanut shells! there's a fireplace! it's a microbrewery! they do a 2-for-1 entree special?!?! what the hell? unfortunately we were not hungry owing to LOBSTER QUESADILLAS, but we did purchase a jug of beer, and a six pack to accompany us to the movie later that evening.
WE WENT TO SEE LEATHERHEADS OMG WTF THIS MOVIE RULED!!
anyway, there was some other shit too but i don't really remember every damn detail. i'm not a tape recorder. it was totally fun being in a completely bizarro world, everyone was super nice and i was like, massachusetts rules! until we had to spend one (1) hour in boston waiting for our transfer and i realized, hell no.
oh, finally, their newspaper? amazing.
if you want to see the rest of my pictures, click here and gawk at alex standing around in cloudy weather to your heart's content.
UPDATE: mussels! i ate mussels at newes from america, and they were very delicious! i tried to only eat seafood. because i think that is the law there?