Tuesday, April 15

every list about dc should just be a "worst-of" list

so whatever, i never want to read gridskipper ever because i'm still fairly convinced that the "staff of multiple writers" are actually pseudonyms for one person blogging from where he is chained up in nick denton's basement, unable to actually visit any of the places his personalities are writing about, but i still click on links to gridskipper luring me with titles like "dc's most overrated restaurants." the list is surprisingly okay and accurate (LAURIOL PLAZA IS EASILY THE WORST PLACE EAST OF THE MISSISSIPPI, NEVER MIND D.C.) except...jaleo and bistro du coin? really? did ms. reichert, a.k.a. the figment of the chained blogger's imagination, go to these places once? did i only go to these places at great times? i've never waited on a fucking line at jaleo and their sangria is the bomb! there is usually a wait at bistro du coin but the food is good and i've never had a rude waiter there (for what it is worth, i truly believe you usually get treated by waiters exactly as you deserve; perhaps "catherine reichert" is getting bad service at every restaurant in d.c. for reasons unrelated to the reliability of the waitstaff? just a thought).

restaurants that should've been on the list instead of the two above:
ben's chili bowl: shut the fuck up, every single one of you. it's hot dogs and chili. and it is not even good chili; it is greasy, disgusting chili for the very drunk or those who have never been out of d.c. to have better chili elsewhere. even if it was good chili, there should not be a line for it longer than the ones at bistro du coin. it's hot dogs and chili. the late night insanity there makes nathan's look like a cakewalk, and nathan's serves beer in 44oz cups, is actually tasty, and resides on coney island, not fucking u street. true story: one night, my ex's drunken friend yelled, in the middle of ben's, "some homeless negro stole my chili dog." first of all, this is not ok to say anywhere. secondly, i was briefly completely convinced my life was going to end there and then, in ben's fucking chili bowl.

every pizza place in d.c.: jumbo slice has 6,000 calories in it. i'm not making this up. and you're eating three of them. nice job, nova girl. no wonder you don't fit into that halter top you insist on parading up and down 18th street in! another thing to keep in mind is that, similar to the ben's issue above, it's pizza. not free cocaine or something. pizza. there is another place to get pizza, generally four doors down from wherever you are standing in line. there is no need for anyone to start fistfights over pizza. despite this fact, i have seen at least seven fistfights over the pizza line.

sub-category: 2 amy's: yes. the pizza at 2 amy's is good, especially compared to almost everything else d.c. has to offer in terms of pizza. that being said, going to 2 amy's is like waiting on a 2 hour line to be ushered into a daycare full of colicky babies. do not want, especially when spinoff red rocks existed. i mean, it's not 2 amy's in that you don't have to wait on a line, which is apparently the favorite pasttime of every single resident of d.c., but the pizza is the same/better and the children were strangely absent.

taberna del alabardero: i am just saying this because i cannot afford to go to such a place.

there you go. you can thank me later, gridskipper.


Hereward said...

And here I'd thought you'd put this 'DC' place behind you.

ally said...

consider it my service to you if you ever find yourself in this terrible place. i suffered so you don't have to.

mookieproof said...

u mad!

bistro du coin is totally overrated, coppi's and pizzeria paradiso are grebt, and the union smith cafe in carroll gardens is much worse than lauriol plaza

ally said...

1) u only proppin for pizzeria paradiso because of the extensive beer menu and you know it

2) there is no place worse than lauriol plaza. need i remind you that it is a+ recommended by GABBNEB? nothing in brooklyn has that honor, no matter how crap they are.