your meowrch activities calendar

meowrson welles says: i must apologize to my fans for my long absence from this website. i don't want to get into the dramedy that is my existence, but i was pulled out of my funk by the news of william f. buckley's death. if there's one thing that i can't stand in the world, it is people who speak in such ridiculous manners, and i always find it delightful when there is one less "ten dollar word" person in this universe. also, i am back because your regular author is a bit "under the weather" today, if you get my meaning, and does not feel like reading the "new york bullshit fucking times" for one more second.

so, with no further ado, here's your activities plan for march! go forth and have fun.

march 1: go to environ bar mitzvah, for those of you who like to dance. i also have a birthday party i was invited to that evening, and since that event is free, i might be attending that instead, but i can hardly recommend you all go to a private party with me. it's gauche.
march 2: go to any of these restaurants for your sunday date. 10% of proceeds go to the ny food bank so you can be full and self-satisfied at the same time.
march 6: go see chuck klosterman read an excerpt from his latest book at highline ballroom! ha ha, i'm just kidding, no one in their right mind should do something like this. go get a delicious dinner at diner instead.
march 8: NEW YORK WINE EXPO! head over to the javits center to get your blitz on. it does cost a pretty penny per head but you could theoretically drink 600 glasses of wine at this thing, which works out to fourteen cents per glass, which anyone could tell you is quite a deal.
march 11: go to the 92nd st y and listen to tim gunn, project runway judge and noted sad man. dress appropriately: you will be rejected at the door if you have not made it work.
march 20: it's the first day of spring! celebrate by getting some bbq at fette sau.
march 23: this is easter! [ed. note: every animals (meowrson note: "every animals"? really? go back to sleep, dearie.) my family has ever owned has died on easter, i swear to god cross my heart and hope to die. so watch out, meowrson] which means...the easter parade and bonnet festival. true, i had no idea this existed until ten minutes ago, but the website promises it to be "less organized" than other nyc parades. which could mean that you will die at this parade! it's got that je ne sais quois, you know? the element of surprise. when done, go to life cafe and eat the delicious eggs blackstone and have a manmosa.
march 30: the boredoms are playing at terminal 5. terminal 5 is kind of a weird, shitty club that i don't understand: it looks like a giant european dance rave party night club but they keep hosting indie rock bands and things like this. it's not a great space to actually see a band. however, unlike nyc parks, terminal 5 has some form of organization so if you purchase a ticket, you will actually be able to get in (though, judging by the hold steady show, you will have to wait on a line, not just to get in, but also to go smoke).
march 31: home opener at yankee stadium! there will be 700 more games at the stadium between now and october though, so don't feel too urgent to go see this particular game. they're playing the blue jays.

bonus:
never: go see the new musical, in the heights, which looks to be pandering and offensive. i mean, more so than a musical usually is.