Tuesday, September 23

"the injuries, um, they are like the achilles heel of his foot"

monday night football used to be some kind of institution, didn't it? a goal, an aspiration, exciting and fun. if you're a sportscaster or a sports writer, you want to be there; as a player, you dream about it. so i was confused last night, watching brett favre's 438th appearance on mnf, as to how we got here, listening to tony kornheiser spout sincerely punchable nonsense on basic cable while two teams with shitty records tried to outfail one another.

i mean, it doesn't seem like it'd be that hard, right, to alter the mnf contract a little bit, so the network that purchases the rights also purchases the right to flex schedule the games. nbc's football night in america technically has the right, as does nfl network (obviously), though rarely do they execute it (was the last/first time that giants-pats game that got broadcast on all channels in the world for some reason?*), so it's not a time consideration. they could still get themselves an interesting game each week this way, instead of something like the arizona-san francisco shitfest that is scheduled for week 10.

ultimately, though, do i really want a program that still insists on employing kornheiser to return to cultural relevance? the guy consistently sounds like he's broadcasting live from peter king's bedroom. it is getting ("getting") to the point where it's upsetting me greatly--how the fuck do guys like this get jobs writing or being on television? there's such a glass ceiling for women in sports writing and broadcasting, yet tony kornheiser sticks around? ugh. his entire running commentary last night was the most porous and uninsightful analysis of brett favre's problems with the jets i've heard yet: he simply hasn't learned the playbook. over and over, this is reiterated, which makes favre sound senile, because he's been in practice with the jets and been playing with them and how hard can a mangini playbook even be and yet here he is throwing to the wrong team entirely, multiple times, because he does not understand the playbook. the thing is, brett favre is a guy with 291 lifetime interceptions. unless you are pitching the idea that he didn't understand green bay's playbook, the interceptions are not the fault of some kind of communications breakdown. they're brett favre's fault, because he is some kind of john mccain of quarterbacks: an ancient, grizzly war veteran, talented at charming the pants off the press, but with no judgment and a temper like a firecracker.**

remember how vinny testaverde got off his riding mower, walked into a stadium, and won three games in a row with no practice whatsoever? i guess brett's just no testaverde, huh?

maybe i'll just boycott football next week; i mean, the giants are off.

* no, smart-ass, i do not mean the super bowl.
** i am the first person to make a john mccain-brett favre joke that has nothing to do with age and i claim my $5.


Hereward said...

Since we now live in the technological future where Sky has channels in Britain where you can watch a single football, er, soccer player and only him all game long, why not offer a version of sports events with no commentary, just stadium sounds, for all of us with poor impulse control and McCaine-esque tempers who are constantly fighting the urge to throw any available objects, possibly including kittens and toddlers, at the TV when the ceaseless, mindless twaddle becomes intolerable.

ally said...

we had a longish conversation this past weekend about creating a website where we do streaming live commentary so people can turn off the game commentary and just listen to us. i'm not sure if there is a market for it but it's got to be better than listening to joe buck pretend he knows anything about the sport, right?

Hereward said...

Interesting. The whole 'interactive/participatory/blah, blah, blah' stuff that people have been saying about the internets/broadband generation really come to the fore here; seriously why do idiots like Kornheiser get paid real monies for blather when any idiot can do it, and most more entertainingly? Y'all can podcast/stream the game with your insightful (though likely partisan) comments. Or give me enough liquor and the sound of the actual game and my friends and I can enterntain ourselves every bit as well and every bit as cretinously as the talking heads and we're all willing to do it for far less. Probably just for half-off liquor and some halfway decent chips.

ally said...

the only correction i must make to your statement is the partisan thing, if only because it makes the appearance that the paid announcers are not partisan. sometimes far, far, far more partisan-sounding than anyone i know. cf last night's favre knob-slobbering, joe buck constantly trying to bait aikman into being pro-cowboy, any time deion sanders opens his mouth, etc.

Hereward said...

I suppose you're right. I sit corrected. Is Joe Buck the baseball announcer? I can kind of tune him out when I'm 'watching' baseball.

ally said...

yes. the baseball guy. fox is too cheap to hire a football guy, apparently, so they just stick joe buck out there for football games too.