it's not just the construction that's torturing my coworkers today

here is a link to that times article about julia allison, enjoy!

THIS MONKEY GOT NO BONES!

Orangutan, originally uploaded by aslaugsvava.

i still have this man's phone number in my phone for some reason

haha i mean i know his show ended on march 15, 2008, according to the youtubes, but i only just saw this so bear with me. what the hell? ps i have on my ipod and i was listening to "free range" by the fall which made this even funnier. why can't i stop laughing? OH IT'S BECAUSE I WAS KEPT UP ALL NIGHT AND AM LOOPY TODAY LOL.

seriously tho wtf? i kind of feel bad for tucker and his boyfriend, if they were reduced to doing this on national (or msnbc) television.

memorable quotes from 3am

"i think that people who think that ellen page is a lesbian just have never played the game 'lesbian or canadian' before."

the friday chat republishing hour, this week featuring pirates

Ross: http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/boa/622080075.html
that seems remarkably cheap
me: we should get it and all live in it
if we all chip in it seems doable
Ross: yes
me: we could BOAT to work
Ross: Oh man
no more metrocards
me: tho theoretically i guess we could just park it on the west side and not really have to move at all
Ross: true
we could start going to nautically themed bars
me: we could BE a nautically themed bar!
Ross: yes
me: oh man
this is a great idea
Ross: anything boat-related is usually a pretty good idea
me: have we ever discussed the possibility of piratery before? i think it seems like we must've, but yet...i don't think we have
Ross: I don't think anyone wanted to get their hopes up
me: we could pirate for cats, to fill our kitty wherehouse
Ross: we are just going to steal their cats and clean out their liquor cabinets
me: i misread that as meaning that cats have liquor cabinets which was like whoa
Ross: but if cats did have liquor cabinets they would be locked all the time
me: are you saying cats are miserly?

SO. MUCH. FREE. FOOD!

dear coworkers:

stop quitting! we've already had a going-away breakfast today! now a going-away lunch? at this rate, i'm going to have to roll out of here, 400lbs heavier.

thank you!
the girl with the stupid bangs!

oh, heavens to betsy, what fresh hell is this and why am i only just learning of it now?

so, oliver stone is making another biopic? about president george w. bush, who will be played by josh brolin? based off a script cowritten by stone and stanley weiser? i am not really sure what to think about this, but i hope it very much resembles alexander, a.k.a. the worst yet most fascinating movie i've ever seen. and i mean that literally. i want there to be a scene in which george w., atop a horse, battles al gore, who is riding an elephant (IRONIC TWIST THERE WITH THE ANIMALS, HUH! NOTHING GETS PAST MY IMAGINARY OLLIE STONE!). and everyone should have incomprehensible, completely inaccurate-by-any-standard-you-wish-to-use accents.

seriously, what the hell is this? he wants to have it turned around before the president leaves office in january! with that kind of time spent on it, i'm sure it'll be amazing.

honestly, i'm never sure if i should call for this man to be stopped, or if i would like very much to honor him with a national holiday.

thanks jon, you berlin-era bastard

Which David Bowie are you?

BREAKING NEWS YOU CAN USE!

meowrson welles says:

PIES ’N’ THIGHS Sarah Buck, Carolyn Bane and Erika Geldzahler left their devotees of North Carolina-style pulled pork and first-rate fried chicken hungry in January when they closed, but they plan to reopen this summer in a larger location nearby: 166 South Fourth Street (Driggs Avenue), Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

as always, when i receive more news, you gentle readers will be the first to know.

another entry in the dictionary of what the fuckery

1) people, adult people, talk to their parents for advice on how to deal with an ex? are other people's parents different from mine, in which this would be a useful, self-esteem building endeavor?
2) you're asking a woman who has made every single fucking column in our magazine for the past two-months-plus about her ex, how to get over an ex? i mean, i guess she would know the answer to the weird stalkery questions on that one sheet.
3) you're asking a woman who obviously sent an e-mail her mother wrote about said ex to a website "anonymously" how to get off your parents' jock on this issue?
4) you didn't fire her, and the entire staff of the seek section, for the "ex sex" advice down bottom, guys?

well played, tony. the editors have now entered a dimension i never thought existed, and that i bear no relation to. i think that dimension looks like this:



and i think it is scary, being an urbane tomboy or whatever the fuck.

also why is charlotte dressed like m.i.a.??

r.i.p. small cat

guys, the small cat died :(

background on the small cat story, if you missed it when it happened:

e-mail from my mom, dated 6/20/07
I got the phone number to this girl named Elizabeth in Pennsylvania. She talks to animals and tells you what they want to say. It was very interesting. We are still amazed and keep laughing about it all. Jamie thinks Spidey was the best because the ONLY THING he had to say was that he is the small cat. PERIOD...nothing more.

um, i don't know what high school the writers of wikipedia went to, but those all sound right to me

Criticisms

The Sweet Valley series has often been criticized for its unrealistic portrayal of teenagers (although this was somewhat rectified in the Senior Year series), and its outlandish plots, especially within the original Sweet Valley High series. Some exotic examples include:

* The twins battling a werewolf in London;
* Jessica falling in love with a vampire;
* The twins and friends being chased by escaped criminals in Death Valley;
* Margo, a psychotic young woman who bears an uncanny resemblance to the twins, and later, her own twin sister Nora, attempting to murder Elizabeth in a diabolical scheme to 'replace' her;
* A former classmate of Alice Wakefield's luring them to a beauty spa with the intention of stealing Alice's face via a face transplant
* Elizabeth and a Parisian prince falling in love.
* The twins and many of their classmates being unrealistically "beautiful" in a model-like way and never having acne, oiliness, pubertal awkwardness, bodily odors, or greasy hair the way most real-life teenagers have.

if they're not going to call bullshit on a model dying of a coke overdose after two lines, then i don't see how they justify calling bullshit on face/off.

where in the world is marguerita squerie?

one a month, a queens man reposts two ads on craigslist missed connections, both referencing a marguerita squerie. apparently, she lived in forest hills in the mid '70s and hung out with a karen wolf and a mara mellin. the man searching for her is named bill, a friend of her brother victor. they must've had a falling out, since he's not just asking victor to get him in contact with marguerita (or perhaps something more tragic occurred? victor squerie yields no google results either). bill thought she was beautiful, and apparently 30 years later is looking all over for her.

who is this person? google is unhelpful. every month, i see her name again. will bill ever find her? what happened that he doesn't see any of these people anymore? did they get out? did they die? so many questions.

obama is leaving drunken mc's for hillary now, isn't he?

"don't want hope to peek it's head inside? then be quiet already and stop asking for hope!" so true, so true.

(if link above doesn't work, click on the picture for a screenshot of the missed connection--it's really amazing, right down to the "location")

next week's feature: "when in rome!"

this is a lot of words spent on "french ppl! they're not like americans! lol!" slow day or something, guys?

read my coworker's awesome short story

it is about the golden girls, and it is funny.

happy birthday, steve mcqueen!

important day. should be a national holiday. ie i should not have to be at work today.

i just wanted to point out that this is an important picture

thomas and alex, originally uploaded by allyzay.

they look so serious.

"I kind of miss the days..."

"...when the only people who were really willing to commit their time and energy to a risky industry like cinema were escaped mental patients."

ross said that to me when he sent me this insane silent film about, apparently, two young homosexuals (and their girlfriend/sister??? it's impossible to tell if she's one of those guys' sister, though it is clear she is sexually interested in the other one, because the sarcastic, sarcastic subtitles say so) torn asunder by the civil war. also, old men senselessly beating each other with canes.

they really do not make films like they used to.

1907's version of the trojan "men are pigs" ad