Monday, May 19

items found from the past

Tuesday, January 9, 2001
Subject: There is a light and it never goes out

My fucking light is broken. I know what you're saying, the same thing they said at property management:

Me: My light in my kitchen is broke, who would fix it?
Justine: Um, you. Change the light bulb. Duh.
Me: That's not what I meant.

I don't mean it like that! The light is broken in that there is too much light, i.e. it refuses to shut off. I can pull on the chain all day and night, and the thing won't turn off. The ceilings are very high, so even with a chair, it's a struggle to reach the light in order to twist the bulb out, so I decided to leave it be.

Three sleepless hours later, I was ready to grab a slingshot and smash the damn thing. So I took life into my hands, teetered precariously on a chair plus pillows with no one to steady me...and, um, fell flat on my face when the cat jumped on the chair and slipped me up. Nasty bruises aside, I did get the light off and now someone will come fix it tomorrow. My only question about it is how on earth does such a thing happen? One day, the light works like any light, shutting on and off like the way you always imagine it will. Next day, it's rebelling against you, much like my cable box which keeps shutting off for no reason. The mechanics are out to get me and there's really little I can do about it, except quell the rebellion by asking the handyman to come in and rip the light to pieces and rebuild it into a good light.

So, yeah, anyhow, I smashed my head really hard last night on the fridge when I fell. Can you tell? I started laughing hysterically. With all the banging and noise, I'm sure my asshole downstairs neighbor complained about my wild sex life again today. If he only knew the truth!