Sunday, January 13
Saturday, January 12
questions!
meowrson welles asks: i like the idea of petsinuniform.com very much. i have often wondered what i would look like as a navy admiral and this will finally afford me the opportunity. however, i do wonder: what if people have a pet...rock? or tarantula? or snake? will they put those things in uniform, or only kitties and puppies? will they say, "yes, let me photoshop your snake," or will they say, "get these motherfucking snakes out of our motherfucking uniforms?" i am concerned. thoughts?
Friday, January 11
clear your calendars on the 26th! a day of adorable dog-fighting awaits!
meowrson welles says: dog-fighting is a much maligned sport that has been in the news quite a bit throughout 2007, it's true. but here's a version of dog-fighting that we can all get behind: the 2nd annual superdog bowl! it's being held saturday, january 26th at 3pm, at the animal haven in soho, and pits last year's winners, the boston terriers, against schnauzers. you can bring your dog and dress it up in your favorite team's jersey, and enjoy complimentary snacks. and also you will watch something that makes utterly no sense but will be very, very adorable. sign up soon! there is only room for 22 more people at press time. no mentions in the press release as to whether you actually need to have a dog to participate but really, what the fuck kind of world is this if you can't just go watch tiny dogs in football jerseys carrying little football-shaped doggy biscuits jump on each other for an hour or two.
Thursday, January 10
a real hero for today's troubled times
Boss fires staff for not smoking
BERLIN (Reuters) - The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.
The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J., told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions.
Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on January 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke.
"I can't be bothered with trouble-makers," Thomas was quoted saying. "We're on the phone all the time and it's just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It's time for revenge. I'm only going to hire smokers from now on."
(Reporting by Sarah Roberts; editing by Giles Elgood)
Wednesday, January 9
um, guys, let's all do this?!
Puppies Behind Bars is in need of volunteer puppy sitters to help us further our mission to raise successful service dogs for the disabled, guide dogs for the blind and explosive-detection dogs for law enforcement. Our dogs live in prison with carefully selected inmates who are totally responsible for their care and training. The “puppy raisers” work very hard and focus their energy on developing the dogs to their fullest potential, but they cannot do everything possible to maximize the dogs’ potential from inside prison. That is why your help is so critical.
Puppy sitters are needed to aid in the socialization of our puppies. We ask that you take a puppy on at least two socialization trips per month, or one weekend per month. Examples of things that you can do with a puppy include: going into stores and restaurants, walking on different streets, and attending events such as softball and soccer games.
i mean, seriously this is like A++ #1 best opportunity on the internet. you get to have a lab puppy for a weekend every month! let's do this, all four of you readers. i'm sure meowrson would approve, if he was not a lazy, lazy kitty.
Tuesday, January 8
awesome?
i'm riding the train home and i'm standing next to a guy yelling so loudly into his cell phone that he's drowning out the stones (btw, dude, this is a party foul). so of course i start listening in. he's going on with a lady friend, it seems, saying "i never said i had an attitude. i said i'm sorry if you thought i was having an attitude." this goes on a bit and it seems to calm down. thank god! then he's obviously been asked the question, "where are you? why are you not at home?" he explains, "i told you! i have to go to the bronx! my mom needs me to pick up her meds."
this is all very sweet and honorable of him until you realize we were standing on the j train crossing the williamsburg bridge.
awesome? what would he have done if the conversation hadn't ended before the train stopped and the conductor announced we were at marcy?
this is all very sweet and honorable of him until you realize we were standing on the j train crossing the williamsburg bridge.
awesome? what would he have done if the conversation hadn't ended before the train stopped and the conductor announced we were at marcy?
dear falafel man,
your falafel was one of the top 5 most delicious lunches i've had in a decade*. however, tzatziki sauce is NOT the same thing as hot sauce.
thank you,
ally
* lol this is kind of a useless statement since i've eaten approximately 10 lunches since age 17.
GUACAMOLE
HELLO AGAIN READERS AND THANK YOU FOR READING THIS BLOG. I AM YOUR AFTER-HOURS EDITOR, DERRICK BROOKS BACK AGAIN. TODAY I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A RECIPE FOR DELICIOUS GUACAMOLE BECAUSE I THINK THAT SOMETIMES, A PERSON'S AFTER0-HOURS NEED TO B E SPENT INDOORS AND NOT OUTDOORS OR OUT AND ABOUT. IT IS GOOD TO GET REFRESHED ONCE AND A WHILE. ANYWAY, THIS IS A PRETTY TASTY DIP. ALL YOU WILL NEED T OGET TO GO WITH IT IS SOME CHIPS, AND MAYBE YOU LIKE WHITE WINE, OR A NICE TEQUILA LIKE CUERVO GOLD. HERE IT IS:
2 AVOCADOS, YOU WILL KNOW THEY ARE RIPE IF THEY ARE A LITTLE SQUISHY. DON'T PICK A HARD ONE.
1 SMALL ONION CHOPPED UP INTO SMALL PIECES (IT IS KIND OF GROSS TO HAVE BIG ONION PIECES SO BE DILIGENT. MAYBE HAVE A TEAMMATE HELP GET IT REALLY SMALL)
1 OR 2 JALAPENO PEPPERS DEPENDING ON HOW SPICEY YOU LIKE THINGS. THIS HAS TO BE CHOPPED UP SMALL TOO
ABOUT 2 OR 3 TSP CHOPPED CILANTRO (YOU CAN USE GROUND DRIED CILANTRO IF YOU HAVE TO, ABOUT A TSP BECAUSE DRIED IS MORE PUNGENT THAN FRESH--ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT, WHEN YOU MAKE A THING)
1 SMALL TOMATO ALSO CHOPPED UP
A PINCH OF SALT
A PINCH OR TWO OF CUMIN
IF YOU HAVE A MOLCAJETE YOU NEED TO BUST THAT OUT AND USE IT TO MAKE 100% AUTHENTIC MEXICAN GUACAMOLE. IF YOU DON'T JUST USE A BOWL AND A SPOON OR A MORTOR AND PESTLE TO MASH UP THE AVOCADO. BUT REALLY YOU SHOULD GET A MOLCAJETE. I THINK MY EX TOOK MINE SO I GOTTA GET ANOTHER ONE BUT THAT'S AN UNRELATED STORY AND I DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE. ONLY GOD CAN HOLD A GRUDGE, AGAINST MY EX. ANYWAY WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IS PUT IN LIKE HALF THE NON-AVOCADO INGREDIENTS INTO THE BOWL AND MASH 'EM A LITTLE. THEN PUT IN THE AVOCADO, AND MASH 'EM SOME MORE. THEN ADD THE REMAINDER INGREDIENTS AND THEN MIX THEM TOGETHER (DON'T MASH ANY MORE OTHERWISE IT'LL BE MUSHY AND YOU WANNA HAVE SOME FIRMNESS).
NOW YOU WILL HAVE A DELICIOUS DIP. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS AND GOD BLESS THE U.S.A. AND ALSO OUR COUSINS TO THE SOUTH, THE MEXICAN PEOPLE.
top ten things to do in nyc this week or in general: a few thoughts from meowrson welles
meowrson welles says:
10. go to the butterfly conservatory at the american museum of natural history. it's back! 500 butterflies! good for impressing females! when you're done, walk over the 72nd and broadway and go to the sushi joint that offers all you can eat sushi. don't bother with that irish pub on the corner--it is basically terrible.
9. see foto: modernity in central europe, 1918-1945 at the guggenheim. it looks totally awesome and i wanted to see it and then forgot about it and then just realized, "oh, shit, that's closing this weekend or soonish or something." so go!
8. take some adderall. there has been 73 posts about it on gawker in the past 48 hours, so get in on that!
7. dye your pubic hair! someone just mentioned at a meeting a thing about a company that specializes in hair dye specifically for "the hair down there" (not my wording). i forget the name of it and refuse to google "pubic hair dye," ever. it left me with a lot of questions though. namely, these questions: 1) what kind of person dyes their pubes? 2) why do you need a different type of hair dye for your pubes than you do for your head? 3) is this some kind of brazilian backlash? you'd need to have pubes to dye pubes and it strikes me the type of ladies that would be interested in dying their pubes are also the type of ladies who are interested in having all of their pubes viciously and painfully ripped from their crotches by crazy korean beauticians once a month. thoughts on this in the comments, please!
6. watch the giants/cowboys game. and cry, cry, cry (either because the giants lose, or just to make fun of romo--both work). prepare in advance a delicious chili to eat while watching the game to add some extra flair! or just do what you normally do and wake up at 2 (or 5!) and drag your ass out of bed, wishing you were literally dead instead of just figuratively, and attempt to concentrate on the game.
5. go to the new les restaurant, allen & delancey! haha, i'm just kidding.
4. does capone's still have triviacrats on tuesdays? i have no idea, but go and see. if they don't, just start quizzing people at the bar yourself!
3. it's 70 out! go to the park, you lazy bastards.
2. go to the chueca bar on saturdays, when it welcomes a party called "forbidden." take the 7 to 61st st/woodside to get there and enjoy $3 shots and dj pocahontas. now, dedicated readers might be scratching their heads right now and wondering if perhaps i sustained a serious, brain-damaging drug overdose this past weekend, but just trust me. the only other thing i know about this club besides what i just wrote is that it is described as THE CITY'S HOTTEST LATINA LESBIAN BAR and that sounds like the venue i've been looking for my entire life.
1. spend $400 on designer glasses with fake glass in them because you're a retard. i'm talking to you, asshole 20-something princess who got on at myrtle this morning who was sporting the prada frames. you know how everyone knows they're the most idiotically expensive fake glasses ever? you left the prada sticker on the actual "glass". you bitch! i'm going to start sporting a fake wheelchair! or a fake pregnancy! you were right to start getting all nervous and agitated on the train because i was glaring you down. also: your hair? what was that about?
Monday, January 7
Sunday, January 6
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