"maybe if her sport was DRINKING, that would be appropriate"

you know, i'm still unsure as to why michael kors thought his drink-themed zings were very good zings at all on last night's episode of project runway. hearing the teaser where he yells, "where is she from? the republic of cocktails?" or whatever it is he exactly says, alex and i looked at each other and agreed, this was a dress we needed to see very much indeed.

this is the dress in question:



which, you might note, doesn't really look like a person from the republic of cocktails at all. it looks like a poorly made dress for girls who think they are betty page. something you'd buy from stop staring's website, perhaps. such a disappointment! tim gunn's zing of this outfit -- if it was a uniform for an olympics airline, he'd buy it -- is much better and apt, though really very meow meow, tim.

now this is an outfit that looks like someone whose sport is drinking:



and here is an outfit for someone whose olympic sport is being a virgin:


(this dowdy monstrosity got the designer kicked from the program, mercifully. she claims to be a surrealist designer. i really have no idea what she's talking about when she says this, and neither do you -- look at that image, and then perhaps look at the one directly above it, from another designer on the exact same television program, and wonder where this girl is getting her drugs. her boring drugs.)

of course, all three of these designers, along with cheroine and suede bluehawk, spend approximately 78% of their air time screaming and bitching and crying about how none of these challenges are "what [they] do." it's constant, unending, and without fail they all pull things out of their asses during these competitions that have fuck all to do with the assignment they were given. for example -- all of these outfits in this post are all supposed to be uniforms for the united states olympic team.

so, yes, obviously, you are going, "oh! of course! why didn't i see that?" ha ha, i'm just kidding, you're not thinking this at all. you're thinking, "oh...? ohhhhhhhh. huh." you might even have your hand on your cheek, thinking that you're concerned.

it's just infuriating to watch at this point. never before have there been such a crew of designers on this show so utterly inflexible, unwilling to bend their "style" at all. i can't stand to hear them say this, especially when "what [they] do" is such insane what-the-fuckery. what on earth did these five think they were getting into when they auditioned for project runway if not a series of wacky projects meant to challenge their stances as designers?

it's exhausting to watch, at times. i found myself looking forward to shear genius last night and worried for this season, basically. hopefully in a week or two, they'll have weeded out more idiots and things will get down to business, but honestly -- guys, just do your goddamned assignments.