Wednesday, November 7

things i never want to see another picture of on flickr, a list

i've been tempted several times today to post example pictures of things that get uploaded EVERY SINGLE DAY, and every single day they are just as stupid and offensive as the last day. i decided i'd just spare the world example photos, and not give these jackoffs any publicity, and just provide a list. i will add to this in the future if necessary.

1. naked babies. no one liked to see pictures of naked babies prior to the internet, either. i have no idea why anyone, ever, has taken a picture of a naked ass baby, especially if said baby is in the processed of being changed (i kid you not, i have seen at least three separate pictures on flickr, randomly raping my eyes on the "everyone's photos" page, of babies getting they asses lifted in the air by their feet so mommy or daddy can wipe shit off the kid's ass. WHY DID YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS?). why on earth do you want to preserve infant balls for all of posterity? is it that important to you? if so, does EVERYONE IN THE WORLD need to see it?
2. people's own damn feet. stop taking pictures of your feet! especially if you wear chuck taylors! chuck fucking taylors are not inherently more interesting than any other shoe on the planet, btw--this is an aside to the seemingly 783 flickr groups devoted to only pictures of ppls' feets in chuck taylors.
3. your cock and/or vagina, especially if there is some kind of combo of wtf-y fetish associated with the picture. there's a reason you can make your photos private or friends only, you idiots. i hope your mom finds you, diaperboy81.
4. you, taking a picture of yourself in a mirror. we've all done it. you are allowed to do it one time. your entire photostream should not be you, in a mirror. learn how to put your arm in front of you, for fuck's sake, at the very least.
5. b&w photos with spot coloring. just stop. this is insane. 3% of the time, you are ruining a good b&w photo by making some random element green. 97% of the time, you are pointing out how much of a gaywad you are.

seriously, every single day, 65% of the uploaded pictures to flickr are of those five variations. just stop! instead of photographing your naked baby, photograph a...bridge! or a clown! thinking of looking down and photographing your stupid hipster sneakers (of which i own two pairs but you don't see me photographing them)? STOP. turn your head straight up and take a picture of the sky instead. anything else! seriously! you're thinking of doing spot coloring? well, there's probably no help for you because you're an awful person, but you can start by deleting any and all versions of photoshop from your computer*. and then throwing out the disks too.

* note to everyone: this is actually a good idea in general. if you have to heavily photoshop your art, with very few specialized single exceptions, you aren't very good at it.

special aside to the other 35% of photos, which are all of adorable cats and dogs: keep it up!


Jeremy said...

This is just way too good not to comment...

LOL Great stuff.

Katie said...

cats aren't adorable.