yes, because all boston losses are caused by karmic injustice

so i found this which is like WELCOME TO THE WAAAAAAAAAHMBULANCE, POPULATION BOSTON!

so i made this. sign my petition!

[Ed.: i would also like to say that first petition is like ALL ABOARD THE HMS WHINYBOAT, NOW DEPARTING FROM BOSTON but i didn't think of that one until just now.]

i love to singa

i checked my referral logs this morning (hi ppl from the flickr black & white group!) and noticed a lone soul on a search for "i love to singa." this is a really important thing that you are looking for, so i am very much happy to provide.

i will never get tired of a photo like this

Prenet un Bany. Taking a Bath., originally uploaded by ¡arturii!.

"meanwhile jeremy shockey was at home eating a whole pint of ice cream"

this guy is a hero! it's never occurred to me to just...go up there and join famous ("famous") people and act like i belong there before. i mean, not without having been invited/forced to by someone else first, so the electric six and the giuliani hooker thing totally do not count.

thanks alex for title of post, i was stuck

do i have mono?

Phil Spector - Back To Mono, originally uploaded by Popmartijn.

some people think i do! vague fever, constantly tired, sore, off-and-on swollen glands in neck. but some people think i don't! because who the hell gets mono?

who has had mono in the audience? leave your comments and tell me what you think.

for about a week, 97% of america were giants fans (with sincere apologies to my two pats fan friends)

subtitled: the last thought on this from me that i haven't had time to actually finish/post due to illness and business


i mean seriously, look at these two guys, they're the opposite of hateable

it's weird to watch your team, with its qb that you've spent the last several years defending even to other giants fans, and its internal squabbling, and its ridiculous star former-running back bad-mouthing the team like a lady spurned every chance he got, and its jeremy fucking shockey--well, it's weird to watch that team, that seemingly completely hopeless heartbreak of an imitation-2005-vikings team, become a national phenomenon.

but there it was, plain as day. people on television, actively rooting for the giants! the team that suddenly came out of nowhere and was showing supposedly far superior teams who was boss! the team that ruined the fairy tale endings predetermined for both (either?) brett favre and (or?) tony romo! the fever pitch that seemed to be there by the friday prior to the super bowl was kind of mind-blowing to me. people i know who hate football were like, "let's go giants!" ruin the fairy tale for brady and co. too.

the thing is, it's not just about people loving an underdog story. that's part of it, really. honestly. but it became apparent, witnessing the sheer glee every non-boston media outlet and commentator had on sunday morning, tearing into the pats like they were some pulled pork, that it was way more than wanting the underdog to win.

simply put, the patriots have come to stand for every single last thing that is wrong with professional sports. i mean, like all of the sports. performance enhancing drugs? alleged criminal behavior towards women? terrible sportsmanship? over-confident douchebag playboy qb? cheating, for god's sake? check, check, check--there isn't much need to go on, unless you like being vaguely depressed. in a age where every sports illustrated is half-filled with stories about tony romo fucking some "famous" blonde or another, or the various dramas of michael vick or kobe or blah blah blah, and the other half is updates on records with questionable asterisks next to them, you've got to assume that everyone's just exhausted from the douchebaggery.

it certainly isn't that anyone truly believes the giants don't partake in several of the activities named above (and i doubt every accusation leveled against the pats is 100% true). but it's easy to believe. dorky eli manning was the complete antithesis to tom brady, and a lovable lug like strahan was the complete antithesis to 'roid-raging fuckbags like rodney harrison. and, while coughlin might be known around the league as a task-driver and a blowhard, belichick is a man almost universally hated--i've talked to pats fans who refuse to defend him, which is saying a lot, i think. other coaches refuse to shake this man's hand.

no one needed an underdog. we just needed a team that wasn't the definition of why people start giving up on sports. the giants were that. everyone will hate them again in a week or two, but for now, that helmet catch made people feel like kids again. you know, back when sports seemed like it was full of awesome people you wanted to hang out with. back when sports didn't seem like predetermined events, and you really believed anything could happen on any given sunday. i lost this feeling when i was about 12*. i'm thankful the giants gave me it back, even for a few days.

the downside of all of this is, i'm just not looking forward to all those millions of sobbing pats fans that suddenly came into being in 2002 now becoming giants fans and ruining my bars.

* why? because the cowboys.

maybe the jinx was that you were outplayed?

no, i'm sure it's gisele's fault, you're probably right.

an update from our tattooed patriots fan friend

in a surprising move, victor thompson seems a little bummed about his helmet tattoos now. though it's not all tears and regret for the lowell, ma gentleman:

"After the game ended I started (partying) ... I woke up drunk. It was a good thing I had my helmet on,"

despite the whole thing being a total bummer over which everyone he knows is secretly laughing at him and perfect strangers will probably point at him in stunned amusement for years to come, thompson doesn't really regret the decision per se, stating that he has tentative plans to tattoo his entire head silver, to more resemble a helmet, and has started working on getting tom brady himself to come by and tattoo his signature on the "helmet" with a tattoo gun.

somehow the drunken discussion between thomas and me one night during the playoffs about his old-school 49ers helmet and my old-school giants helmet tattoo plans (like, on our arms, not our fucking foreheads) seems way, way less retarded now.

part 2 of "i blog an old photo and tell you something about it"

katie, originally uploaded by allyzay.

this photo hasn't been retouched. at all. not for color or sharpness or any damn thing about it. i uploaded it directly from my camera--while drunk, and still on vacation (me, not the camera, the soberness of which i can never be sure of)--to the internet, while gchatting several people. i'm saying this now because i have gotten really f'ing tired of getting occasional flickr questions as to what photoshop techniques i used on this picture.

those techniques, as they are on every photo i have, were called not purchasing photoshop and just going with things. flickr and basically the world in general would be 100% better off if this was done by everyone. i'll use iPhoto to lighten or darken a picture a little. one time, i made a picture that was color b&w instead.

there you go. stop asking me.

(as a total editorial aside, jw, will you look at the code of this template i'm using and tell me how to adjust it so that the portion where the posts are is bigger without making everything on the page fucked up? when i do it the page goes all manner of whoa so i don't want to adjust it but it needs to be bigger on the right side--i'm not adjusting the padding on one of the rails properly? HALP!)

so the post-season apparently killed me

i'm really sick guys, so updates might not be too fast or too furious right now. i was barely able to get out of bed the last two days and i'm sitting in a total haze at work right now running a fever.

fucking giants.

to the multiple referrals i'm getting looking for "tom brady's ass got sacked"

brady has to go to the hospital.

sometimes, you should ask for a second opinion when you have an idea

maybe he can put 18-1 on his forehead?

red hoody anger man

a final thought*: i didn't realize last night that belichick left the field before the game even officially ended, that he didn't do what you're supposed to do and congratulate the other team, the other coach. he didn't even wait for his own players. maybe i was too busy hugging ross and josh, or maybe i was distracted by jack's repeated "that's right! we fucked the pats in the eyes!" shouting. or maybe i was just way too drunk (this is very likely, given how i feel today). i'm glad i missed it though, because it would've infuriated me. has there ever been a person in sports who has been more of a poor sport, a complete dickhead, as belichick?

i'm ashamed that two of his super bowl rings come as a former coach of the new york giants. boston can have him. though i'm not sure that even a city i dislike as much as boston deserves a person this terrible.

* this is a blatant lie, btw.

18-1, or the night that eli freaking manning became a legend

when eli got out of that sure, certain, heartbreaking sack (they had his jersey) with about 60 seconds left on the game clock and suddenly, instead, tyree was catching the ball with his helmet, that's when i started saying it out loud: "they are going to win this game." then plaxico caught the ball in the end zone with thirty seconds left in the game and i kept saying it: "they're going to fucking win."

but there was still that 30 seconds left, and no one wanted me to say this out loud. i mean, it was brady on the other side of the ball! who'd looked like rex grossman all freaking night but theoretically, that was tom brady and randy moss (who has never played well in a post-season, this one no different than the others). don't jinx the game!

no one should've worried, it was already jinxed.

"We're only going to score 17 points?" a surprised Brady said Wednesday. "OK. Is Plax playing defense?"

only 14 points actually, sorry. nice try, blanco nino. too bad your ass got sacked. i would've been delighted for any team--ANY team--to have put this balding latenightshots.com excuse for a douchebag in his place, but the fact that it was the giants just made it all the more amazing. no one told the giants that brady and co. were already the anointed winners. they outplayed the pats in every possible aspect you can come up with, from their performance at media day to the last second of the game. i've never seen a more exciting super bowl, and i doubt i ever will.

i stayed up all night drinking and freaking out and wondering if i somehow imagined that game. i wonder if belichick stayed up all night pondering that inexplicable 4th-and-13 call he made.

sooooo....i have actual intellgent things to say.

but perhaps not now. allow me to say, the giants won fair and square. there were no official schanagans. they out played the pats...which is amazing. they played amazingly, like a team on a mission. i'll have more to say, another day, but i need to say now, this thing: this was the defining moment of a generation of sports fans. the day perfection was not enough. the day trying and determination...WAS enough! who would've thought this? i have a lot to say...soberly. but that's enough of a thought teaser.

dear chuck klosterman,

are you googling yourself? because it seems unlikely that anyone else is doing a google blog search on your name and showing up here. i really dislike your writing!

thanks,
ally

how long did the boston globe have to search gis until it found such a smokin hot picture of eli manning?

i mean, honestly. my preference between the physical appearances of these two men is known far and wide, by everyone i've ever spoken to in my entire life practically, but still: i'm not going to make any claims of eli as some kind of suave, hot guy.

UNLIKE THE LADIES OF BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS!

honestly, i'm mostly posting this because i think that photo of eli is totally hot.

UPDATE: i cannot even begin to think of a way to describe how gay i think tom brady is right now. how many haircuts per week does tom brady need from his hair slavebarber? also, say what you want about david beckham also being very obviously a flaming metrosexual and eroding the earth's resources with his fancy man behavior, i've never heard of him flying his barber clear across the country just to get a pre-game haircut.

eli looks like he hasn't had a haircut in, like, three months, just for comparison's sake. we're lucky if he bothers to shave before the super bowl, i think.

"rick had been 'fetching tea' for music producers"

learn all about rick astley's "never gonna give you up" through the magic of pop-up video!

dear espn,

please don't publish things written by chuck klosterman.

thank you,
my sanity

it's full of stars

O_O