how to pick up girls

facebook is compassionate

2009-04-29T10:32:00.002-04:00

maybe i took it too far by becoming a fan of the swine flu myself, but at least i'm not clicking "like" next to its updates, you know what i mean?

yo dudes help us make a book

2009-04-28T17:33:00.002-04:00

because books are where shit is at.also: if we get all this shit together, which photo should i submit? pick one and leave a link in the comments.

one of you knows what happened, and one of you needs to own up

2009-04-28T13:48:00.003-04:00

who is the mystery person who got screamed at during karaoke? this is now the second reference to someone doing this to me and it's not true and i am now on a crusade to find the doppleganger. i'm starting to consider the possibility that the person who was yelled at was my sister.

i wonder what the minnesota spokesman-recorder's take on this is?

2009-04-24T11:35:00.001-04:00

pretty sure polamalu has already been fined for this blatant helmet-to-helmet btw.

need to get this, once the recession ends and we all have money again

2009-03-05T11:34:00.002-05:00

can you imagine, alex coming home from the bodega or something and i've stuck this on my face? oh. my. god! such a good prank!

the final scene from blue velvet

2009-02-19T00:16:00.001-05:00

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } the final scene from blue velvet, originally uploaded by allyzay. why do all bird exhibits at zoos result in positively lynchian photographs? is it the uncanny valley backgrounds? the not-quite-real lighting? i can't quite

yesssssssssssssss

2009-02-13T17:04:00.002-05:00

the holy grail! look at these tiny, tiny people and their giant foodstuffs! they will bring it to you!

my favorite thing about the super bowl

2009-02-05T10:44:00.002-05:00

i am greatly amused reading recaps of the super bowl by dad sportswriters that say, "the halftime show sucked and you're kidding yourself if you think otherwise. that playlist was terrible. in a perfect world, he would've sang 'tougher than the rest', '57 channels', 'mary queen of arkansas', and 'the river'." in the interest of being helpful, as helpful as these ancient bitter gentlemen, here are

frustration at work turns one's mind to the topic of adult beverages

2009-02-04T15:05:00.003-05:00

when i lived in dc, i couldn't find xtabentun anywhere. i also couldn't use the internet to import it, to myself, because dc has rather pathetic liquor laws. it took me quite a long time upon moving back to new york to even think about this and look into whether i could get this sent to me here. sure enough...hooray! i knew there was one million and one reasons i came back. anyway, i would like

sophisticated super bowl food for a more grown-up clientele: aka wing shortage subsistence recipe

2009-01-30T15:08:00.006-05:00

meowrson welles says: knowing our readership as well as i have come to do over this year, i am certain that my dear friends have heard about the impending wing shortage threatening to ruin our super bowl sundays. i am of the opinion that the arizona cardinals have already threatened to ruin our super bowl sundays, but i digress. there are other options for manly meaty foods that are delicious to

KURT WARNER DOES NOT OWN GOD, AND THAT IS WHY THE CARDINALS WILL NOT WIN: A POINT

2009-01-29T13:32:00.004-05:00

IT IS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR THIS SITE BECAUSE I HVE BEEN DEDICZATING MYSELF A LITTLE MORE TO MY FAITH AND TO POLITICAL EFFORTS TO ELECT BARACK OBAMA THE 44TH PRESIDENT OF OUR UNISTED STATES OF AMERICA. BUT TODAY WE ARE ON THE EVE OF OUR SUPER BOWL, WHICH IS A MOMENTOUS OCCASION AND I CANNOT LET IT PASS UNTOUCHED. I WAS SURPRISED TO SEE THAT THIS GAME WAS BETWEEN THE

the best photo in the entire world

2008-12-20T16:01:00.000-05:00

this is the actual realization of >:[ emoticon

truer words and all

2008-11-25T15:19:00.001-05:00

where do i buy this book?

random thought

2008-11-07T19:49:00.002-05:00

why does bill kristol look exactly like michigan j. frog?hello my baby, hello my sarah, hello my maveriiiiick gal...

generational differences

2008-11-05T17:37:00.001-05:00

BLOG BLOG BLOG

2008-11-05T17:36:00.001-05:00

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } bloggin it live, originally uploaded by allyzay. ALWAYS WITH THE BLOGGING! i am disappointed the blogging cape doesn't really show up very well in this photo :(

this is really important

2008-10-27T17:37:00.000-04:00

good ideas for halloween costumes (timely edition)

2008-10-22T15:58:00.003-04:00

i have to come up with a halloween costume because i have a halloween party coming up that is a costume party. i haven't actually bothered to do this in, like, i dunno, years? i kind of dislike halloween! but anyway here is a list of good ideas for halloween costumes, please feel free to add your own in the comments.- go as sarah palin but then you rip your costume off and you are actually rick

important edits to wikipedia, the ongoing project to ruin information forever

2008-10-17T17:06:00.002-04:00

click for large image; read carefully.

i am designing a new giants-themed tattoo

2008-10-14T17:35:00.002-04:00

this is because i have a pact to get one, if the giants repeat in the super bowl. don't ask, really, it was a good idea at the time and we both are pretty determined to honor our drunken promises. anyway, it is this image:but instead of the cheshire cat, it is michael strahan, and somehow the playing card men will be changed to represent the pats (the queen does look vaguely like belichick).this

christopherhitchens.gif

2008-10-13T12:26:00.001-04:00

Vote for ObamaMcCain lacks the character and temperament to be president. And Palin is simply a disgrace.By Christopher HitchensPosted Monday, Oct. 13, 2008, at 10:44 AM ET

the annals of "well played"

2008-10-08T15:41:00.002-04:00

thanks for the town hall, mr. mccain! we love your suave, handsome, young friend! what a swell time!

failure to launch

2008-10-08T12:16:00.002-04:00

dear voters who are still undecided as of today: i have more respect for nazis than for people who spend months picking their noses while trying to decide if they think nazis are bad. how do you guys even get your underpants on in the morning without crapping yourselves? sincerely,allyUPDATE: ok so undecided voters earlier apparently =

an open letter to the new york jets, society, peta, serial killers, the ny times, etc

2008-10-07T11:23:00.003-04:00

a prank is, for example, stealing a player's clothing while they are in the showers and replacing it with a dress. or plastering pictures of john mccain all over their locker. murdering some semi-unknown animal, sticking it in a bag filled with its blood and guts, and then shoving it into another player's locker is not a prank. that is serial killer behavior; it is, in normal society, a threat.

things that are unfair

2008-10-06T13:24:00.000-04:00

why is the boss still so hot even though he is 180 years old?? (that is from an obama rally this weekend or maybe last weekend)

mavericks usually do walk in thru the out door!

2008-10-05T22:08:00.001-04:00

it's awesome because it's true

2008-10-05T19:15:00.001-04:00

FURTHERMORE

2008-10-03T14:13:00.000-04:00

ok msnbc's insistence on doing everything outside for some godforsaken reason has been justified:

procedural note

2008-10-03T14:11:00.001-04:00

yeah we are back to not allowing anonymous comments cos hell if i want to spend every morning cleaning up after sarah palin fans who have somehow found their way here. GO AWAY!

darn right

2008-10-03T13:02:00.002-04:00

this is an artist's rendering of me, last night, watching the debate and listening to sarah palin replying to the question about the environment and global warming:UPDATE: alex sent me this amazing gif someone made of him watching and listening to the same thing!

paul whiskerberg

2008-10-02T16:25:00.002-04:00

this cat is called paul whiskerberg. or, it will be, when i find it and take it out of the desert it lives in and bring it to my house, to keep it, because it is the world's cutest little wild cat.

wow wow wow

2008-09-27T22:54:00.002-04:00

SERIOUS QUESTION: have any of you seen beyond the sea? we just stumbled upon this on ifc and OMG THE LAST HALF HOUR IS SO INSANE! youtube isn't loading for me so i can't find it to show you but holy shit. there is a crazy, crazy, crazy song-and-dance sequence with kevin spacey and little kid kevin spacey WHILE HE'S DYING POSSIBLY HAS ALREADY DIED like some crazed all that jazz meets busby

in which philly.com picks up an article from the onion

2008-09-27T20:29:00.003-04:00

so this story, about sarah palin going to a bar. i have questions/statements about it.1) "irish pub"? that is the name of the bar? are its main competitors "spanish wine lounge" and "gay nightclub"? grow up, philly! 2) haha this bar is on WALNUTS! street! i mean...really?3) that lady who gave sarah palin $2 for good luck? because of our flourishing economy, that lady now cannot afford to pay her

referral link of the day

2008-09-27T19:26:00.001-04:00

"sam elliott impersonator"

alternate dimensions usually have it up on us in general, i find

2008-09-27T12:58:00.003-04:00

there are some people who buy into a dumb, dumb theory that there are numerous alternate universes which are similar to ours, but with slight-yet-meaningful changes that alter the entire landscape. these people are called "superman fans" but bear with me. last night, the alternate universe where mike huckabee and hillary clinton were the nominees had a much more entertaining night! huckabee

so that's clearly sarah and john in the circle insert, but who's the good-looking guy?

2008-09-26T16:45:00.000-04:00

have fun at your debate party, kids!

truth in advertising

2008-09-26T12:50:00.001-04:00

stem cell research, the most important issue of this election

2008-09-26T09:45:00.003-04:00

ok, so now obama is running ads claiming that john mccain is against stem cell research in states like wisconsin (? are they big stem cell research fans in our nation's finest state, the cheese factory state?). here is a couple of things, because why not play that game today.1) john mccain is a supporter of stem cell research. speculatively speaking, this is because john mccain is 73 billion

dog and pony show day 3

2008-09-26T09:31:00.003-04:00

But a top aide to Mr. Boehner said it was Democrats who had done the political posturing. The aide, Kevin Smith [N.B.: well there's your problem!], said Republicans revolted, in part, because they were chafing at what they saw as an attempt by Democrats to jam through an agreement on the bailout early Thursday and deny Mr. McCain an opportunity to participate in the agreement.mr. mccain shouldn't

whoa

2008-09-25T16:43:00.004-04:00

that's...stella? (i've also learned that she is not from america and in fact moved here in 1975??? despite pr's claims that she's a native new yorker! and her, um, accent? the info comes from her mouth directly though! i'm confused by this.)

dear david letterman,

2008-09-25T10:21:00.000-04:00

after watching your performance on the television program "late show with david letterman" last night, i decided to make you a gift. Glitter Graphics <3ally

guadelajara won't do

2008-09-24T15:40:00.007-04:00

why is anyone--anyone in the entire universe, even the dumbest racist born-again in the entire united states of america--still taking this man seriously? is it really that horrifying a prospect, to hire a black man, that some people are willing to defend a crazy, senile old man and his vapid bespectacled mistress to the grave? as a side note, it must really piss some of those people off that they

tits.jpg

2008-09-24T15:38:00.002-04:00

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } tits.jpg, originally uploaded by allyzay. i have decided to become a "lifestyle brand," like julia allison or emily brill or, i dunno, kermit the frog. as everyone knows, the #1 most important thing about being a "lifestyle

how to make things (more) terrible, lesson 347: add singing

2008-09-24T12:05:00.004-04:00

so hot on the heels of brokeback mountain: the opera, variety is reporting that american psycho is being shopped around as a broadway musical. and it sounds atrocious, for reasons beyond the obvious. the implication in the article that the book is perfect for adaptation to broadway because of its heavy-handed name-dropping of various popular '80s bands tells me that we're looking at some kind of

apparently he was NOT ready for some football

2008-09-24T11:50:00.001-04:00

minor thoughts on plaxico "dumbass" burress. also wanted to share this with you:because, i mean...what?

"the injuries, um, they are like the achilles heel of his foot"

2008-09-23T11:12:00.005-04:00

monday night football used to be some kind of institution, didn't it? a goal, an aspiration, exciting and fun. if you're a sportscaster or a sports writer, you want to be there; as a player, you dream about it. so i was confused last night, watching brett favre's 438th appearance on mnf, as to how we got here, listening to tony kornheiser spout sincerely punchable nonsense on basic cable while

i ain't got no more fingernails

2008-09-22T13:15:00.002-04:00

discombobulated poorly-written thoughts on our 2008 new york football giants. unrelated: pineapple express is a pretty entertaining movie! james franco as a filthy stoner looks exactly like my cousin michael. it was odd to see! but still, i got over it and the movie was fun to watch though not entirely memorable.

helping you to understand our financial crises, part 1 in a series

2008-09-19T16:54:00.000-04:00

further mustache update

2008-09-19T16:48:00.001-04:00

>:[

i'm an idiot, and i'm your boyfriend

2008-09-19T12:54:00.003-04:00

megan wrote a rather hilarious thing about men she calls "the unfuckables"; people who just seemingly don't want to get laid based on the things that come out of their mouths. megan is the just about the only person i know who has more "oh, what the fuck?" stories about men than i do, so i'm inspired to just go ahead and add onto her list with my own archives of lolpain:1. please do not put on

dear jeffrey sebelia,

2008-09-18T11:18:00.004-04:00

i had such a huge crush on you when you were on project runway, but seeing that dov charney bullshit you've grown on your face last night on top design (which i only even watched because you were on it!) is making me re-evaluate my entire taste in men. could they all do that kind of nonsense? i mean, i am at the point where i am imagining running into my high school boyfriend and he will have

about last night's cowboys-eagles game...

2008-09-16T10:21:00.001-04:00

this is what watching it felt like:

epic

2008-09-12T12:36:00.002-04:00

finally, the nfl's two worst mascots come together in one gif to do epic nuclear battle. i've been waiting for this my whole life.

you may ask yourself, why does ally continue to occasionally read deadspin?

2008-09-12T12:29:00.002-04:00

hey jack-off, you could at least spell your sort-of coworker's name right. i'm usually not a huge grammar/typo/spelling nazi or anything, but really? really? you get paid for your inability to spell a three-letter name and your pathetically unfunny, godawful michael phelps jokes? adam schefter should punch you in the face. and then run for president!

great moments in nonsense, volume 17

2008-09-11T15:31:00.002-04:00

big baby (nj): I've heard that you rail against teams like the Red Sox and Yankees for "ruining" baseball with the way they spend copious amounts of money. What about teams like the Twins who have a billionaire owner who nickels and dimes his franchise? AKA get off your high horse and get a clue. YEAH, CRAIG FINN! FUCK YOU! GET OVER YOURSELF AND YOUR BIG STUPID BAND, THE TWINS ARE JUST A BUNCH OF

fresh direct elitists: endorsing a presidential candidate?

2008-09-11T11:31:00.002-04:00

JUST LOOK AT THEIR "PRESIDENT'S PICK" SPECIAL!

in our "never forget" mode still

2008-09-11T11:14:00.003-04:00

(thanks to brian for this amazing work)

never forget!

2008-09-11T10:31:00.001-04:00

in honor of 9/11, here is a flying eagle.

it's the little things that get you through the day

2008-09-11T10:13:00.000-04:00

this is what it looks like, when i work.

this is the cutest thing i've seen in 3 years.

2008-09-10T11:45:00.002-04:00

i'm going to get it tattooed on me!! if i find a tattoo parlor magically in the next hour, in my office, before i forget about it, at least.

fyi, kurt wild is not his real name

2008-09-09T11:20:00.002-04:00

A 22-year-old has been fired from a branch of sandwich chain Subway after a customer recognised him from his gay porn work and complained.Kurt Wild, who has appeared for Freshmen and Buckshot, was employed in a restaurant near St Louis, Missouri.He said in an email to BGay.com:"A customer said they wouldn't even eat there at Subway anymore because of my past work and said that if I wasn't fired

omg what

2008-08-29T13:17:00.002-04:00

(seriously, what is with the palin pick? she undermines his experience platform, she's dumber than a bag of rocks, and she's a psychotic super-christian creationist who hates fags and abortionists so how is she gonna get those "hillary swing voters" again? this seems like a brett favre hail mary but no one is having fun out there, and no one looks like a kid.)

coincidence? or does this just not make any sense as a joke?

2008-08-26T22:45:00.002-04:00

about ten seconds before the hillary clinton "tribute video"* came on, ross and i mentioned the kool aid man. i thought it was apt. is this funny or am i crazy?* as i told ross, when you guys make me a tribute video, it better include "treatment bound" and none of this "are you gonna go my way?" shit that was in hillary's. also must involve hannah montana wig, a sam elliot impersonator, and i

and speaking of american heroes

2008-08-26T14:59:00.003-04:00

please click the image above and read the whole thing. i know the adam schefter wiki is going to revert back to its boring form very soon and we need to keep this. for history's sake.

on environmentalism

2008-08-26T14:32:00.002-04:00

the main thing that i fail to get about this ongoing saga about the supposedly environmentally-friendly wooden keys that do not work at the downtown sheraton is this: how in god's fucking name is creating entirely brand-new keys made out of formerly living trees, sustainable harvesting or no, somehow greener than just continuing to use the already-existing plastic cards that can be reused until

we can be heroes, just for one day

2008-08-26T10:32:00.001-04:00

profiles in courage

2008-08-25T23:27:00.001-04:00

anyone see the dude i just spotted on msnbc at the convention holding up the "bring back crystal pepsi" protest sign? we tried to screenshot it on our fancy computer television and APPARENTLY IT IS GOOD FOR NOTHING. anyone?

obama/chromeo '08

2008-08-22T17:31:00.001-04:00

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } obama/chromeo '08, originally uploaded by allyzay. brian is a hero to many, especially me, for creating this image.

corporate goth

2008-08-21T18:23:00.001-04:00

“A co-worker might be afraid of you because they know that you’re goth, because of your face, or because you do strange things like play role-playing games and think you’re a vampire,” says Scurry. “People can get turned off by that in the workplace.”uh, you think? what i don't get about this is the insistence on bringing up your personal shit at work. why on earth would you be telling your

is this what they do now instead of bleeping ppl?

2008-08-20T14:59:00.000-04:00

if so i approve, but...what the hell?just watch it through to the end. also -- do cats eat spaghetti?

never gets old

2008-08-20T10:13:00.000-04:00

wow

30 is the new 12

2008-08-18T14:51:00.002-04:00

this article on interviewing has some good (albeit completely common sense, "people have to be told this?") advice in it. however, i was completely mystified by this line: "If you were born in 1980 or later, expect some culture shock when you enter the workforce."if you were born in 1980 and you still have yet to enter the workforce, you should be shot in the fucking face for wasting everyone's

go, go godzilla

2008-08-18T14:42:00.001-04:00

this is pretty much the most epic thing i've ever seen in a comic.

zelda

2008-08-15T14:34:00.002-04:00

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } zelda, originally uploaded by allyzay. this is zelda. she is one of many german shepherds my family has had throughout my whole life. if i remember this all correctly, she was a couple-years-later replacement for roxy, who

really looking forward to pineapple express

2008-08-08T13:14:00.000-04:00

See more James Franco videos at Funny or Diejames franco is pretty awesome, isn't he?

lying liars and the lies they tell

2008-08-07T23:00:00.005-04:00

i was at dinner tonight and sat near us was a table with a flamboyant young gentleman and two very vacuous young hipster girls. this man did nothing but tell them outrageous, obvious lies, which they bought wholesale, no questions asked. this culminated to the point which this man was telling them that they stole a manatee from the georgetown zoo (i'm unclear if he meant the guyana zoo or the

"maybe if her sport was DRINKING, that would be appropriate"

2008-08-07T15:54:00.002-04:00

you know, i'm still unsure as to why michael kors thought his drink-themed zings were very good zings at all on last night's episode of project runway. hearing the teaser where he yells, "where is she from? the republic of cocktails?" or whatever it is he exactly says, alex and i looked at each other and agreed, this was a dress we needed to see very much indeed.this is the dress in question:

then i wonder why i'm gaining so much weight

2008-08-06T15:17:00.001-04:00

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } the jucy lucy, originally uploaded by allyzay. this is so nasty, isn't it? oh well. i'm not sure there's been a less appealing photo of a food item ever taken. you're liable to murder yourself trying to eat this, since

mystery solved!

2008-07-31T22:44:00.004-04:00

my mom informs me that this is the chupacabra. when questioned as to why a chupacabra would be in montauk, she said, quite rationally, that it probably escaped from a shipment of goats going past long island.so, everyone go home. nothing to see here!

sigh

2008-07-31T12:55:00.002-04:00

does anyone here have any employment leads? side jobs, freelance jobs, actual real jobs...whatever. i can't bear working here anymore. i do a tremendous amount of work, significant portions of other people's work, suggestions i make are ignored or misunderstood so badly that i might as well have kept my mouth shut, the commute is pretty meh, and i'm underpaid by at least $8k. i just am not sure

look what girls did to the internet

2008-07-30T16:43:00.001-04:00

URGENT PONY NEWS!

2008-07-30T15:39:00.000-04:00

DEVELOPING...ok, i don't actually have any pony news, but when i do, or when you do, might i suggest using this new pony version of drudgesiren.gif? yes, today is slow.

new american heroes, OR further advancements in bacon cups

2008-07-30T12:48:00.003-04:00

so i've discovered a website selling a product called bacon salt. bacon salt is, apparently, a vegetarian, kosher-certified, zero calorie seasoning salt that tastes exactly like bacon! this is amazing. as one of the reviews on the site says, why would you settle for fries when you can have bacon fries? vegetarians and jews -- often noted by everyone else in the world for how much they're always

it's just like an m. night shyamalan film

2008-07-29T22:16:00.001-04:00

muppet face is sweeping the nation!

2008-07-28T17:22:00.001-04:00

.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } :D, originally uploaded by allyzay. :Dthanks everyone who came to our party. there are more pix where this one came from, on the flickr. don't worry. the camera was only out briefly and most of you managed to avoid.

the worst outfit in the world

2008-07-28T12:49:00.002-04:00

i saw a girl on the subway today wearing all of these items, together, at one time: (except grey, not black) (except more floral-y) (top items tucked into pants. her pants also had weird seaming on them) (except grey, i guess to theoretically "match" the hat)she also had a giant blue rusted bike with a basket on front, and was of course dragging this onto the train during the tail end of rush

get in the car!

2008-07-25T13:34:00.001-04:00

i still haven't gotten this book, guys. just in case you were trying to figure out the best housewarming gift you could get.

"did you hear about that guy who tried to blow things up at the super bowl this year?"

2008-07-25T12:22:00.002-04:00

my mom sent me an e-mail this morning, which contained only one line: "did you hear about that guy who tried to blow things up at the super bowl this year?" i naturally assumed this was a "tom brady, whatta crybaby!" joke but apparently it wasn't. after going back and forth for several e-mails about what a "big story" this was (during which it changed from blowing things up to shooting people)

pretty much the truth from what i remember

2008-07-24T12:07:00.002-04:00

i should stop agreeing to go to these parties with alex. this account is missing the dramatic street readings of gessen's tour de force. i am excited to see those videos. alex did indeed win those tickets to 80s night at webster hall -- anyone want them? hell if we're going to something like that. i was dragged there exactly once. we met two men who kept claiming to be sailors, but their stories

if the decision makers were better, they wouldn't be working here

2008-07-24T10:53:00.004-04:00

dear maura,yes. this week's cover is really gross looking. last week's cover, with the lady with spinach-encrusted teeth, was gross looking. you're also forgetting the cover from a few more weeks back -- the cheap eats issue -- which featured a woman's mouth salaciously licking some disgusting-looking sauce off a plate (sauce was also dripping on her hands, natch). this is also the publication

what the...?

2008-07-23T15:56:00.003-04:00

ok, so i admit that i couldn't stop watching this because, seriously, what the...? that's all i can say about it. except for this: why is it that, starting with that idiotic snl rap, no one will call out all these retarded shorts natalie portman is constantly in for what they are: thinly-veiled hipster racism? i mean...seriously? is it just that i really don't like natalie portman (so shoot me,

it's basically just pure nonsense that is amusing me at this junction in my life

2008-07-23T15:41:00.004-04:00

when i see something like this, and i can't stop laughing at it, i start to wonder: am i turning into my mom?

ghosts of internet past

2008-07-21T22:07:00.000-04:00

my mom re-sent this to me today. if you actually watch it through, everything you ever see again for the next 4 months will remind you of david hasselhoff, because everything that has ever existed in the world is in this video.

this fuckin cat

2008-07-18T12:22:00.000-04:00

$2k is a very reasonable price for any suite of living room funiture

2008-07-16T13:47:00.000-04:00

much less living room furniture formerly in james brown's house.

i heard the sharks have come back to martha's vineyard

2008-07-12T17:21:00.001-04:00

a) that shark just roared like a goddamned lionb) exploding shark! MY MIND. BLOWN.

"that girl" is one of...THOSE girls

2008-07-11T13:55:00.002-04:00

What is the most life-changing book you've ever read?Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand. Rand said things I’d never heard before. For a young girl who had just spent 12 years at Marymount here I was reading that there was no such thing as original sin! Wow. Rand also said something I have never forgotten: “It’s not the strong people of the world who will kill you. It’s the weak ones.”By Marlo Thomas on

a touch of sadness on a friday

2008-07-11T13:44:00.001-04:00

Alex: In what will be his first job since the blockbuster "Iron Man," Robert Downey Jr. is set to star in "Sherlock Holmes," the drama that Guy Ritchie will direct for Warner Bros.;_;;_;;_;;_;;_;;_;;_;me: ugh guy ritchieAlex: i knowme: he's fucking TERRIBLEhe still gets work?Alex: robert downie jr as sherlock holmes = a++++++++but thenguy richie ;_;me: yeahit's like [REDACTED] hitting on

the greatest actor of our generation

2008-07-11T11:27:00.001-04:00

<3 <3 <3 <3

every second of the night, i live another life

2008-07-10T18:10:00.004-04:00

i had a dream last saturday night (i went to bed at like 4 am, so maybe i should say morning) that we were all in jail. it turns out that, in dreamland, jon williams had become a cocaine kingpin. the details were sketchy to me as to what exactly the rest of us did to get involved with this--were we his buyers? were we helping him run drugs? were we dealing?--but when the fuzz caught up with jon,