Wednesday, October 22

good ideas for halloween costumes (timely edition)

i have to come up with a halloween costume because i have a halloween party coming up that is a costume party. i haven't actually bothered to do this in, like, i dunno, years? i kind of dislike halloween! but anyway here is a list of good ideas for halloween costumes, please feel free to add your own in the comments.

- go as sarah palin but then you rip your costume off and you are actually rick astley
- glue a football to a helmet and go as david tyree but then if someone comes up to talk to you about "the catch" you take off your helmet and you are rick astley
- dress up as joe the plumber! in your toolbag, keep a cassette recorder. when someone asks your opinion of senator obama, press play and then perform a live lip-dub of "never gonna give you up"
- hillary clinton in a big pantsuit. at midnight you take off the big pantsuit and reveal yourself to be rick astley
- vladimir putin and his tiger, but when someone comes to pet the tiger you rip off your kgb mask and it turns out you are rick astley (please note: tiger will remain a tiger so this really will only work if you know how to deal with tigers)
- just go as rick astley

Tuesday, October 14

i am designing a new giants-themed tattoo

this is because i have a pact to get one, if the giants repeat in the super bowl. don't ask, really, it was a good idea at the time and we both are pretty determined to honor our drunken promises.

anyway, it is this image:

but instead of the cheshire cat, it is michael strahan, and somehow the playing card men will be changed to represent the pats (the queen does look vaguely like belichick).

this will go nicely with the one being put on my arm! but where to put such a thing?

ps obviously i am not actually doing this and will just end up tattooing a helmet on my ass or something.

Wednesday, October 8

the annals of "well played"

thanks for the town hall, mr. mccain! we love your suave, handsome, young friend! what a swell time!

failure to launch

dear voters who are still undecided as of today:

i have more respect for nazis than for people who spend months picking their noses while trying to decide if they think nazis are bad. how do you guys even get your underpants on in the morning without crapping yourselves?


UPDATE: ok so undecided voters earlier apparently =

Tuesday, October 7

an open letter to the new york jets, society, peta, serial killers, the ny times, etc

a prank is, for example, stealing a player's clothing while they are in the showers and replacing it with a dress. or plastering pictures of john mccain all over their locker. murdering some semi-unknown animal, sticking it in a bag filled with its blood and guts, and then shoving it into another player's locker is not a prank. that is serial killer behavior; it is, in normal society, a threat. this is not a sign that brett favre is a playful young soul; it is a sign that he is a terribly unbalanced person, only kept aloft previously by his drug addiction and probably a helluva lot of booze.

i already disliked brett favre. i'm sick of his face, the fawning attention on a guy whose strategy entirely amounts to, "i will throw the ball as hard as i can and someone, anyone, will probably catch this." but now he's also mutilating animals and shoving them in lockers and, well, i have no idea what to say to that. like i am genuinely at a loss to describe my befuddlement here, or why the other players are being so winky-winky about having dead animals shoved into their shit.

where did he even get this possibly-a-wild-turkey thing? hunting season isn't exactly in swing, southern jersey is better for hunting than northern, and i'm certain that favre doesn't have a hunting license yet in jersey (is he even a resident?). did he shoot this animal somewhere else and trek it back to jersey? god knows how old that bird was! must've smelled great in that locker. just from that standpoint alone, every other player should be furious with him.

my one hope in this is that peta gets a hold of this rather alarming "prank" report and protests favre's ass into retirement, where he can spend as much time as he likes by himself, shoving dead animals into things and popping pills. this is giving peta way too much credit for being able to accomplish anything besides making themselves look like morons, though.

Monday, October 6

things that are unfair

why is the boss still so hot even though he is 180 years old??

(that is from an obama rally this weekend or maybe last weekend)

Friday, October 3


ok msnbc's insistence on doing everything outside for some godforsaken reason has been justified:

procedural note

yeah we are back to not allowing anonymous comments cos hell if i want to spend every morning cleaning up after sarah palin fans who have somehow found their way here. GO AWAY!

darn right

this is an artist's rendering of me, last night, watching the debate and listening to sarah palin replying to the question about the environment and global warming:

UPDATE: alex sent me this amazing gif someone made of him watching and listening to the same thing!

Thursday, October 2

paul whiskerberg

this cat is called paul whiskerberg. or, it will be, when i find it and take it out of the desert it lives in and bring it to my house, to keep it, because it is the world's cutest little wild cat.